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The Transition Families Will Face

What’s Ahead?

By enrolling at Cornell, your student is embarking on an exciting journey of self-discovery that will continue for many years to come. This is also a time of learning and growth for the whole family. As your student prepares to come to Ithaca, you may be surprised to discover that you and other family members have mixed feelings about this upcoming transition. Of course you are excited about the opportunities that await your student at Cornell, but you may also have concerns about how he or she will adjust to college life.

Family Relationship Changes
Your relationship with your student will undergo many changes during the college years. Particularly during the first year of college, many students teeter back and forth between a continuing need to rely on families and a desire for a new independence. Although confusing and frustrating for families and students alike, this is a very normal part of the process of development that will continue throughout young adulthood. You are likely to experience an adjustment every time your student comes home and every time he or she leaves again. Most students become accustomed to having complete autonomy at school, and some have trouble returning to “family rules” during weekend and vacation visits. Meanwhile, you may have become accustomed to peace and quiet, and may be taken aback by the influx of friends, loud music, and phone calls when your student is home—only to be lonely all over again when he or she returns to school.

Student Issues
Most new college students are living away from home for the first time and must learn to manage their free time, course work, and basic living requirements such as getting adequate rest and nourishment. It is typical for them to feel lonely and to experience emotional ups and downs during their first weeks at college. They are likely to miss their family and high school friends and the feelings of security and support that those relationships offered. They may look around and imagine that “everyone else” is happier, smarter, and better adjusted. It takes time for students to feel completely comfortable in their new surroundings.

Learning to Live with Roommates
Learning to live with one or more roommates is also a part of many new students’ experiences. It is not uncommon for roommates to have minor differences. Students are encouraged to work out those differences by talking with each other. The students might need to make adjustments, through negotiations. Residence hall staff members are prepared to help achieve compromise if these adjustments lead to conflict.
Support and Reassurance
Remember that your student is likely to need your support and reassurance most when he or she is feeling lonely, scared, or vulnerable. It is much easier to share successes with new acquaintances than to discuss problems with them. Consequently, you may not hear about it when everything is going well, but it is very likely that you will get a call when your student needs to express his or her worries about roommate difficulties, looming preliminary exams and other course work, or a disappointing grade, and—of course!—when he or she needs money. As painful as it may be for you not to be able to “fix it” for your student, it is helpful to remember that most often what he or she needs is for you simply to be a good listener.

Increased Academic Expectations
Many families are concerned about how their student will adjust to the increased academic expectations of college-level work. While it is true that your student is highly talented academically, the same can be said of all other Cornell students. Your student will soon be studying with students from across the country and around the world who were equally outstanding in their secondary or preparatory schools. It is therefore unrealistic to expect that your student will continue to be at the top of the class in every course.

The adjustment to the University’s academic demands is a major one, and it may take a semester or two before your student feels comfortable with those demands. Many new students (and their families!) find it difficult to alter their expectations of themselves and goals for academic achievement. Try to express your interest in your student’s academic progress without applying too much pressure about grade performance. If you are disappointed by your student’s course grades, you can be sure that he or she is even more disappointed and frustrated. The good news is that most students do learn to balance the many demands on their time and energy after an initial period of trial and error. Throughout it all, it is important for you to reassure your student that you have confidence in his or her ability to handle the academic challenges and everyday problems that lie ahead. Keep the communication flowing, so your student is always aware of your continuing interest, support, and love.

Assistance for Students
Listen to what your student says, as well as to what he or she doesn’t tell you. If you ever feel that he or she is in serious danger or in need of special assistance, call upon the many support services available on campus to help him or her through a rough spot.

Recommended Reading
Recommended books for families to read are: Don’t Tell Me What to do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years by Helen E. Johnson and Christine Schelhas-Miller; You’re On Your Own (But I’m Here if You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During the College Years by Marjorie Savage; Letting Go: A Parent’s Guide to Understanding the College Years by Karen Coburn and Madge Treeger; and I’ll Miss You Too: An Off-To-College Guide for Parents and Students by Margo E. Woodacre Bane and Steffany Bane. These can be bought in book stores, online, or at the Cornell Store.

Keeping In Touch

Keep Communication Lines Open
With modern technology, there are many options for families to keep in touch with one another. Many families will go through transitions when it comes to contact, wondering how much is too much, or how much is not enough. Below are suggestions for ways you can stay in touch with your student and remain abreast of the latest happenings in their new life.

Call
If your student seems extraordinarily rushed or a little unresponsive when you call, it might be wise to set a convenient time for phone calls, as student and family schedules often differ considerably. College students tend to be night owls, and Cornell students are not exceptions. You may need to prepare for later telephone calls!

Email
Students are very dependent on their computers in this day and age. Email is a fast way to drop your child a note to let them know about what’s going on at home, and for them to let you know what’s going on at Cornell. Send an electronic card from a favorite website, or send photos with your message. With the odd hours most students keep, an email message is an easy and quick way to let students know you are with them.

Instant Messaging (IM)
Instant Messaging (IM), is a service that enables you to chat privately with others in realtime using an Internet connection. “IMing” is a popular way for students to have conversations with their families wherever they are. In addition, if you have multiple family members at different locations, you can have a conversation with all of them at the same time. Popular IM services include .NET Messenger Service, AOL Instant Messenger, Google Talk, ICQ, Jabber, Skype, and Yahoo! Messenger.

Mail Something
Everyone loves to get mail. In the technology based world we live in, sometimes it’s nice to receive a card or a letter. Send the occasional “care package.” Each resident is assigned a mailbox. Community Center mail rooms accept packages from UPS, Federal Express, florists, and other shipping services. The US Postal Service operates a substation on campus, providing express mail and other services to the Cornell community.

Visit the Campus
Consider attending First-Year Family Weekend (October 26–28, 2007) coordinated by the Office of New Student Programs (www.newstudentprograms.cornell.edu) or visiting on another mutually convenient weekend. It’s a good idea to give your student ample adjustment time in the beginning of the first year before you visit.

 

Getting Involved

Many families express an interest in Cornell that extends beyond the immediate pressure of putting a student happily and successfully through college. Affiliation with the University in other ways can be a satisfying and exciting learning experience for you and a way for you to participate in the global Cornell community. There are a number of ways you can share in your student’s Cornell experience.

Cornell Clubs and Associations
Cornell’s 130 clubs and alumni associations throughout the country and around the world offer a unique way for families to be involved with Cornell from afar. Programs and activities vary, but often include presentations by Cornell faculty members, student “send-off” events, luncheons with local community leaders, theatre trips, and sporting events. Cornell Clubs also organize special public-service projects and scholarship fund-raising events and participate in career and summer job programs that benefit Cornell, its students, and the local community. Many associations offer special memberships for families of current Cornell students. For more information, call the Office of Regional Alumni Programs at (607) 255-3517.

If you live in, or travel frequently to, the New York City area, you may want to consider membership in the elegant Cornell Club of New York. In addition to offering the amenities of a first-rate hotel, the club sponsors a full calendar of events, including theatre evenings, concerts, seminars, as well as museum and gallery tours. Call (212) 692-1386 for membership information.

Go Big Red! Cornell athletic events take place all over the country. Plan to attend a Cornell game in your area. Call the sports information office at (607) 255-3752 for schedules or visit the website at www.cornellbigred.collegesports.com.

Cornell Career Services
Consider participating in the variety of programs sponsored by Cornell Career Services, such as Student Jobs and Internships, and the Extern Program. Student Jobs and Internships provides online information about internship and summer job opportunities located throughout the country. For more information, go to the website at www.careers.cornell.edu or call
(607) 255-5221.

Educational Opportunities
Cornell’s Adult University (CAU): www.cau.cornell.edu
CyberTower: cybertower.cornell.edu
Shoals Marine Laboratory: www.sml.cornell.edu
School of Continuing Education and Summer Sessions: www.sce.cornell.edu